I’ve been thinking about divorce.

Why are so many of my friends separating, some just a year or two after getting married?!

So I’ve got this theory.

The generality of people I know live for themselves. Herein lies the tragedy lies.

We want to develop ourselves, educate ourselves, so we can take care of ourselves, pamper ourselves, accumulate for ourselves, ensure security for ourselves… In extreme measures we want to be in the top school, the best company, drive the fastest car, earn the most, be the smartest, most powerful, most famous, most loved, etc.

To varying degrees, these desires drive us.

When we get married we suddenly have to start thinking for the other person, being considerate and making huge sacrifices pertaining to our deepest desires in life. Suddenly, another set of hands are grasping at the steering wheel of our life and tipping it away from some of our goals.

Many of us have no idea how to deal with this.

So much easier it is to decide to part ways. “She’s getting in the way of my life.”

Surely there is a reason why some of the world’s richest and most developed nations (materially) have the highest divorce rates.

Many people rave about how a Scandinavian welfare state is the ideal place to gain citizenship. But Sweden has the highest rate of divorce in the world! Finland, Australia, America and other developed nations also fall into this top tier of sad stats.

Perhaps these are lands of material prosperity, but how about family prosperity? Everyone wants to migrate there, but are we prepared to weather a challenging family life? When we immerse our children in these cultures (and pat our backs for having successfully left Malaysia), are we equipping them with the right attitude to face the world that glorifies self-indulgence?

There is this elderly couple I admire. When lamenting about how 8 in 10 couples these days divorce she shared some of her experience, “we used to scream, cry and fight it out. But not for a second did that thought enter my mind…”

It was a time where wives were less likely to hold jobs and were therefore less inclined towards even considering separation. It just was not an option. Perhaps it was easier then.

But whatever it is, today these guys are the picture of love. Yes, he is largely a gentle man whereas she tends to flash her iron fist every now and then, but at the end of the day, they are indeed signs of harmony and unity. He has learned how to accept her, she has learned how to accept him. Kinda. I think they’re still learning. :)

I think my generation is going to have a really hard time with this.

We’re so used to ‘receiving’ (from parents who want the very best for us, from maids) that ‘giving’ becomes such a difficult act.

But never mind divorce rates – less and less people are also getting married. The compounded conclusion – the world has more lonely people.

The insistent self asserting itself.